My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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