dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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