Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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