Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
