Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
