if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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