You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
