I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
