I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
