I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
