woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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