as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
