so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
