So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
