Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
