After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
