i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
