This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We need a shit load of segways right now
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
