found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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