Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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