everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
