How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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