You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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