You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize