Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
