I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
