Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
