every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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