So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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