toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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