he puts the penis in happiness.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
