I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
