girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
