Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
