i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
