I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
