Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
