Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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