I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
