Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
