i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
