I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
