I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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