you guys were way drunker than both of me
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
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