So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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