she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
