I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
