you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
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