Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
