i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize
