i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
