ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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