I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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