Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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