So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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