cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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