There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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