If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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