just survived the first fart of the relationship.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
