my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
40s are totally the cure
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
