Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
