yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
