Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
