i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize