i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
