I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
