I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
