And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
