the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
