The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
