I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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