Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
