i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Randomize
