we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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