then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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