dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
