I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
