we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
